Good Girl Energy @[email protected]

Reminder: Azure is good (she/they)

Art: @lilyface , [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]

Over the last couple years in hrt I've gotten used to being more of a go-getter who has plans most nights of the week. Its a pretty hard mental adjustment to now turn down things as simple as going to a movie because I don't have time or energy.

I know it'll get easier! I'm less than 2 weeks from an extremely major surgery. Just noting that that is a hard adjustment for me as I sit, panting for breath because I emptied the trash cans in the house.

Of course I googled to see if this was like. Uncommon or something I should keep an eye on and Google was like "maybe it's blood clots in your thighs" so good reminder to never Google health things

@GlitterDisaster happy birthday Dragon friend!

Dilation is getting easier. Current main issue is that for some reason standing and walking can cause some awful aching in the upper back thigh area. I'm not sure if it's muscle issues from how much I'm lying with my legs spread for drying, or because the crotch skin is pulling tight or what but I'm looking forward to it being done

This demo debut of a single (the actual single sounds very little like this) is such an ingenious way of doing musical looping I've watched it a dozen times https://youtu.be/lO9d-AJai8Q

Last night I got high on thc syrup and stayed up too late listening to songs made using live looping (which are fascinating) and orchestral undertale performances

Wow, they broke up. I mean I'm not surprised, I felt increasingly like Matt and Pat didn't actually enjoy recording together, but still they've been a *lot* of my shitty YouTube watching during downtime evenings and having to have your friendship ended in such a public way just feel ugly. Woolie looks like he aged 10 years and Matt looked on the verge of tears in the video

A dilator walks into a bar

It crowds into the middle of the room, awkwardly stands there, makes everyone a little uncomfortable, then leaves 15 minutes later

Heterosexuality? In THIS economy?

I also bring this up to say that I know things can feel helpless and out of control and that you can't possibly get your life and your identity to where they should be.

A year is a long time. 3 years even more so. A lot can change. You can find where you should be.

I say this because I'm feeling reflective and awed by the contrast. From feeling hopelessly masculine and lonely and confused to preparing to have a big polycule holiday, over 2 years into hrt, using she/her pronouns, and recovering from gender affirming surgery.

In 2016, I joined Gender Journeys, socially changed my name to Blue, got my first tattoo, started HRT. I started a new job and told the CEO before accepting the offer that I would be transitioning while working there.

So much can happen in a year.

I was still using my deadname then. I still hadn't come to terms with my dypshoria or the fact that hrt was something I realistically wanted. I was nonbinary and quietly using they/them pronouns and lonely and felt like my life was out of my control.